


dispatch

by wenkwonkwank



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, Haechan and Jaemin are a duo, Holiday Season, Lee Jeno is Whipped kinda, Light Angst, M/M, NoMinHyuck besties, celebrity jeno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:40:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29282370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wenkwonkwank/pseuds/wenkwonkwank
Summary: Maybe the truth will have to wait, maybe it had to be hidden forever. As they said, what you don’t know, won’t hurt you and that’s exactly why Renjun is hurting.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Na Jaemin/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 48





	dispatch

**Author's Note:**

> hello, i really suck at making tags huehue but i tried to not delve into it to prevent spoiling the plot. enjoy!

The Holidays was just any other days for Renjun. He gets up on chiller-than-normal mornings and sleeps on chillier evenings. The snow is piling up across the streets and pavements. Christmas decorations rampantly displayed everywhere, even a lost decor found its way on his apartment’s door. He figured it could be the cleaners that put it up there since his place was the only non-Christmas themed on his floor.

But this year, it’s different. _Maybe the holidays aren't so bad after all_ , Renjun thought. 

Just like any other Christmas morning. It was cold down to every bone and fiber, despite the layers of clothes to protect every inch of Renjun’s body and an additional blanket over his shoulder, he found another heat in his traditional Christmas hot cocoa topped with marshmallows. Renjun smiled in his warm cup as he glided his way back to his bedroom.

He hummed his way in, thinking again that the holidays aren't so bad of an idea all this time.

“Wake up sleepy-head, I made breakfast”, he whispered, low and soft, leaving a slight taste of excitement on his tongue. 

And of course, the main source of warmth of Renjun’s Christmas this year is not his usual white ceramic cup he’s holding now nor the heater he turned up way higher than usual last night. It’s coming from under his bundle of sheets, THE Jeno Lee, the one and only. 

Renjun might have lost the Christmas spirit as he grew up and started living alone in Seoul. Before, he would greet his parents through a video call minutes before midnight and sleep in throughout the whole holiday, enjoying his traditional hot cup of cocoa and a hot meal.

But this year, he surely found joy in Christmas again when he met Jeno. Renjun even busied himself in setting-up a white sparkly Christmas tree in his living room and a Christmas lighted garland, complete with a tiny mistletoe on every door frame. And replaced the curtains to white with an accent of gold. And changed the rugs with a white and red ones with a “Happy Holidays” embroidered on it. And even studied a few recipes for Christmas eve. Okay, maybe he went a little overboard than he expected.

Actually to Renjun, every day felt like an occasion to be celebrated now that Jeno is by his side. Renjun might not be the best with words but Jeno is always patient, too kind even for his own good. There, Renjun decided to protect him at all cost.

In the mountain of Renjun’s soft bed and pillows, Jeno’s head peeked through the bundle of white blanket and grumbled half-asleep. His hair was all over the place, probably because they had it rough last night and Renjun snickered of that thought. 

Renjun delicately placed his now warm hand over Jeno’s forehead as he admired the other’s facial features. God really took his time when he made Jeno, Renjun thought to himself. Jeno, instantly feeling the soft hands of his boyfriend, reached out for it, kissed it, and placed it over his cheeks.

“5 more minutes, please?” Jeno had the audacity to pout early this morning and Renjun has no armor to fight against that.

Renjun placed his cup over the bedside and crawled his way back to Jeno’s side and Jeno was lightning fast in enveloping the older in his embrace. They stayed in that position for more than 5 minutes already, feeling each other’s heat and breath.

Christmas really is a joyous season, Renjun said under his breath. 

This is their first Christmas together. They’ve been together for just half a year but for them, it surely felt like years of being together already. They were just so compatible that even both of them can’t believe it.

Renjun was originally from China and was relocated to South Korea a year ago when he was promoted to being a Visual Arts Senior director after years of working in China. In Renjun’s second major TV program, he met Jeno who was a regular cast member of the show. Jeno, well THE Jeno Lee, is a renowned soloist singer-dancer-actor-entertainer (they could’ve just summarized it all as ‘Perfect Man’ but okay) in South Korea and you’re probably living under a rock if you don’t know him. 

They met on the set and became friends shoot after shoot. Jeno approached Renjun first after the program ended. Of course, Renjun did not decline because he was interested too (who isn’t really?). The rest was history, like how they found their way to each other or how they hid their thing in the face of the media. What matters now is that they are celebrating their first holidays together at Renjun’s place. 

“Baby, your phone is ringing again. Don’t you wanna answer it?” Jeno shouts from the kitchen for Renjun to hear who was now inside the bathroom. 

“Who is it?” Renjun stops the shower to hear more clearly while closing his right eye to avoid the shampoo from going in.

There was clinking in his background, it must’ve been the dishes he was putting away by now. “Unknown number ending in 666, they’ve been calling for like the 4th time already” Jeno answered. 

Renjun stood stiffly in the middle of the shower, knowing who exactly it was despite the number being registered as being unknown. The warm shower felt cold on Renjun’s skin and he exactly knows why. He closed his eyes as tightly as possible, and raked his bubbling hair roughly with his fingers.

He made himself believe that this Christmas would be different from before, but maybe he was wrong. He doesn’t deserve Christmas nor any joyous celebrations. He laughed at himself for having to persuade by his own thoughts, by his own stupid thoughts.

“Babe?”, a soft knock on the bathroom door brought Renjun’s thoughts back to him. Renjun hummed as an answer. “Christmas shower?”, even without Renjun looking, he could see Jeno’s smile.

The thought of Jeno with him inside the shower made Renjun almost slip from where he stood. He struggled in opening one of his eyes, only to see a blurry figure of his boyfriend already peeking through the door. Renjun opened the door and pulled Jeno in, as if he could decline such an offer.

There he had forgotten every bad thoughts that had clouded his mind, this time he was persuaded, firmly believed that with Jeno, everyday is different, and happy.

“5 hours before New Year, babe. When are your friends coming over?” Renjun put the lasagna inside the oven and smoothly strided around the kitchen to work on 2 more dishes for New Year’s eve.

“They’re already parking earlier, a few more minutes max” Jeno said across the other side of the kitchen as he put the beers inside the refrigerator. “They’re probably letting their manager to search through the area to avoid, you know, the s-word”

“Oh, yeah” Renjun replied absentmindedly as he saute the garlic while rummaging through the cupboards for oyster sauce. _s-word_ , he repeated to himself until it finally registered to him, _fuck sasaengs_ , he breathed out but it felt wrong in his tongue, a hypocrite.

Renjun has been so close to Jeno that he had almost forgotten the fact that he is a celebrity (THE celebrity to be precise), and of course, his friends are of the same league. Jeno is a friend to all to be exact, that’s why he’s not only famous to the public but also with his co-celebrities because first of all, he is the nicest person in the whole world (note: in Renjun’s words) and a shoulder to lean on (his shoulders are broad fr). His friends range from his neighbor to the directors; trainees and rookies look up to him, seniors want to collaborate with him; mothers just want to marry off their daughters to him. It’s hard not to like Jeno but it’s harder to hate him (the whole Korean community will come after you if you do anyways), and maybe that’s why Renjun found himself liking Jeno just not 6 months back but with every day that had come.

Speaking of Jeno’s friends, Donghyuck and Jaemin are coming over for a mini get-together with Renjun and Jeno. They had never had the chance to be formally introduced to each other and Jeno thinks this NYE would be the perfect time for them to get to know one another.

Donghyuck (stage name: Haechan) and Jaemin are a famous duo that debuted the same year as Jeno. They’ve trained together for years under the same company but it was only Jeno that debuted, so the two decided to part ways and signed under the rival company and immediately debuted. All things worked out even if most times they fight head-to-head in music and awards shows, on and off screens they are really good friends, enough to know who Jeno is seeing. Renjun is also happy with that decision.

It was only less than 10 minutes when the bell rang, that was then followed by loud knocks and a few shouting. “That’s them. I’ll get it.” Jeno said nonchalantly, trying to hide his excitement of meeting his friends again, as he stepped out from the kitchen to open the door for the guests.

“Not that you’re any help here anyways”

“Hey! They might hear you!”

There was a muffled shout from the other side of the door, “If you’re talking about him and the kitchen, you are very much right”

“Nice to see you too, Haechanie” Jeno deliberately ignored what Donghyuck just had said. “Leave your coats at the rack and help yourself inside”

“No need for you to tell me that”, said by another person which Renjun assumed to be Jaemin because who else could it be and he was also the first one he saw from the doorway and made his way to the kitchen like he had been here before.

Renjun stopped from cutting the potatoes, “Hi, I’m Renjun”

“Yes, we’ve heard about you from Jeno. A LOT actually.” the black-haired said it with a laugh, “I’m Jaemin.” Renjun just shrugged his brows in a who-in-this-country-doesn’t-know-you kind of way. 

There was a coy and friendly smile on Jaemin’s face. Renjun didn’t notice that the other held his hands out for a handshake until he immediately retracted it when he saw the knife on Renjun’s hands and the mess in the kitchen. He cuffed his white silk sleeves, “Need help?”

Renjun smiled and before he could reply, Jaemin was already washing his hands and found the apron hanging on the kitchen wall. In Renjun’s surprise, they were moving in harmony despite the few words exchanged. Renjun had to commend Jaemin for his ability to adapt well with other people.

“I see that you’ve been more helpful than Jeno here, even if we’ve been here for just 5 minutes” Donghyuck nudged his head to Jeno’s direction and propped his elbows on the kitchen counter. He sat on one of the bar stools, “Hi Injun”, Donghyuck greeted Renjun with his Korean name.

Renjun tried to ignore the creeping feeling in his stomach from that nickname. “Hi, Hyuck” he greeted back nonchalantly as he looked for a tong in one of the kitchen drawers.

Jeno let out a small _’Oh’_ as he sat beside Donghyuck who is now curiously letting his eyes wander through the busy kitchen. “You guys met before?”, he threw glances between Donghyuck and Renjun.

“Nope, first time” they both said at the same time. Both of them looked at each other for a moment then laughed hysterically.

“Could’ve fooled me” and Jeno just smiled fondly. His worries about the different aspects of his life clashing, now gone.

“We basically know everything about you two” Donghyuck was opening a bottle of beer from the kitchen. “You know, I know you guys are already half a year together now. Met at a show. Monthsary on every 23rd of the month. First date was inside Jeno’s dressing room at an award show. Favorite position is-- aw! I could’ve dropped the bottle!”

Renjun threw a pillow from the sofa to the kitchen that successfully landed on Donghyuck’s side. He then glared at Jeno who swore he didn’t tell them anything nsfw. 

“Both of your favorite positions are lying down on the bed, what do you think I was going to say?” Donghyuck said innocently, then drank from his bottle and sat on the bean bag at one corner of the living room.

“The Grinch or Home Alone?” Jaemin, leisurely sprawled across the carpet, scrolled through Renjun’s netflix. "Home Alone, it is" he decided on his own. As the movie play, Jaemin sipped from his wine and turned to Renjun, “As Haechan said, we know almost everything when it comes the two of you,” he pointed at the love birds, “we want to know about you-you Renjun”

Renjun tried his best not to look guarded and smiled, “The famous duo superstars? Want to know something about a mere non-celebrity?” He put his free hands over his chest and put on a face that looked like he won an award.

“A non-celebrity boyfriend.” Donghyck corrected. “Everybody wants to know about the non-showbiz boyfriend of someone, ESPECIALLY if that someone is the nation’s boyfriend, Jeno Lee.”

“Then technically, I am Nation.” Renjun joked. Of course, his ever whipped boyfriend laughed with his whole body, flailing his head back and unsurprisingly, found his hands over Renjun’s thighs and remained there even after the laughter.

Donghyuck rolled his eyes at the sight, “You’re not that slick, Jeno. Don’t get all too grabby in front of us”, and even made a grabby hand gesture. He looked at Renjun again, “So?”

Renjun unconsciously bit his nails, a habit he ought to fix years back. “Well, I’m Huang Renjun, 25 years old just like all of you. I’m from Jilin, China. A solo child. Raised by my grandparents. A Visual Arts Senior director. That’s quite it.” He looked up to the ceiling, a gesture he does when he thinks. “And oh- I like Moomin, scratch that. I LOVE Moomin.”

“Well that explains the sketches in Jeno’s wallet.” Donghyuck pointed.

“And on his luggage too.” Jaemin added.

Renjun looked at Jeno and placed his hand over the other. “Aww you kept them?”, he said in an overly-sweetened sarcastic voice. Jeno had the urge to scrunch up his nose while suppressing his smile but his eyes betrayed him and started to form crescents.

“You’ll kill me if you will see them inside the trash” Renjun’s eyes wide as coin and Jeno immediately reached out to him. “Not that I’ll throw it. See how I even sticked it on my luggage. I got interviewed about that, you know”

Renjun just gave Jeno a kissy face, hoping that the conversation was long forgotten and will now move on to the next topic.

“So?” Donghyuck said while raising one of his brows.

“So, what?” That came off sassier than expected from Renjun’s mouth, good thing Donghyuck was immune to those kind of banter because Donghyuck’s natural tone is cheekier for his own good.

“You got nothing spicier, Huang Renjun, 25, from Jilin?” Donghyuck sounded exasperated, his thirst for some gossip not fulfilled. Renjun could now conclude that the media was right when they said Donghyuck is the holder of secrets of the idol world. Jeno was also right when he said that Donghyuck always gets what he wants, it’s like nature to him to win. And in this situation, Renjun found himself cornered in a dead-end of a maze named Lee Donghyuck.

Renjun was about to stand up to excuse himself when Donghyuck rested his feet over Renjun’s thighs, like their the best of friends for years now because of the ease of his movements, like it he had always done it before with him. “Figured you’ll escape. You know what they say, _You can never run from the handsome man, Donghyuck Lee_ ”

“You know, I’ve heard that before, but I am pretty much sure there was no _handsome_ in the original quote.” Jaemin nodded his head as if he was trying to recall that non-existent excerpt. The tan skinned threw a pillow over Jaemin, which the other just easily caught with his hands and placed over his chin to lay down on his stomach to face the three others in the room. 

“That’s besides the point.” Donghyuck rolled his eyes for the nth time tonight. “Give us something juicy, Renjun. Like how our stupid friend here, successfully wooed you? or do you have any other celebrity ex we should know about?” he continued to blabber about everything that piqued his curiosity the moment he knew and met the Chinese. “You know what? Start with how you have gotten your first job in Korea.”

Renjun tried his best to hide his nervousness that he almost flinched in place the moment that topic was brought to the conversation. Jeno did not seem to notice it and instead, the same curiosity of Donghyuck filled his eyes (Jaemin too) as it landed on Renjun. Renjun had never talked about this subject with Jeno nor did the other asked about it. It was just a thing easily overlooked when they’re together. Everything before Seoul was water yet to be ventured, but Renjun made sure it’s stormy, no one could pass. _Not that it matters anyway_ , Renjun reasoned out in his mind but he knows it not what the others think.

Renjun fiddled with his fingers, covering it under Donghyuck’s legs. “Well, I was initially just an intern, mostly making coffee for the employees and directors. Such a suck-ass, am I?” Renjun had to glare at Donghyuck who agreed with him. “Then became a permanent employee after graduation. After a few months, a manager. A year later, I was promoted to assistant director.of the visual arts department.”

Renjun pouted, an act to show that he was _thinking_ of what had happened in his career life. “Then last year, I was offered a title, a full-pledge senior director but the catch was that the position was only open here in Seoul. Can’t really say no to additional zeroes on the paycheck.” Renjun just shrugged it off, as he finished his tale as little sentences he could.

Jeno just intently looked at him, absorbing even the smallest detail of what Renjun just had said even though Renjun had only offered the tiniest information he can.

Donghyuck and Jaemin turned quiet, they all looked too serious and it made Renjun more nervous than he was supposed to. He was panicking inside, the odds of them asking for more information is quite likely and he wasn’t and will never be ready for it. _Please, just please, don’t ask for more_ , he chanted inside his mind.

Donghyuck yawned (rather excessively) and Renjun was almost fooled that it was a real yawn if it wasn’t for Jaemin who was laughing at the side looking back and forth at Renjun and Donghyuck. Donghyuck should be thankful for the acting class he attended when he was a trainee because it really comes in handy with all sorts of situations like this one.

“Well... that was BORIIIIING. No drama and shit like that?” Donghyuck was clearly disappointed in how thrill-less Renjun’s life was. _If only he knows_ , Renjun inside in his mind. 

“Or was it because of my idol life that makes your life so dull? Because that shit is full of drama… and shit.” he took another sip from the beer he was holding and shook his head slightly.

That’s it. Donghyuck spilled his entire life story to Renjun (who he said to have a very familiar aura and someone that feels like you could tell your whole life to that makes the whole narrating easier) from the moment he decided to be an idol to now. Renjun agreed that Hyuck’s life is truly more entertaining than his. Fought with a senior trainee because he was slowing the team down for evaluations? Renjun can’t even speak up when the waiter got his order wrong.

While Donghyuck was busy unfolding all his life’s crests and troughs, the best friends excused themselves to start the barbeque. Renjun felt apologetic for letting a guest help in preparing the NYE feast but Donghyuck didn’t let him and made his whole story telling on another level by adding demonstrations and special effects while telling.

“Hmm did I miss something…” Donghyuck hummed. He had reached the part where he and Jaemin fought after their live (before they released their latest album) because he spoiled the chorus AND the choreography. He even copied how Jaemin cracked his voice while arguing. “Oh yeah. Me and MKL are boyfriends”

“Oka-- What? Seriously?” Renjun wanted to look and sound surprised which was a success because the tan-skinned looked smugger than usual.

Donghyuck laid back and smirked, victory written all over his face. “Mark Lee, the youngest producer-rapper-singer to accredit 100 songs under him? Yes, that’s MY Mark.” He made it sound not-so-big-deal but the expression on his face tells you otherwise.

“Wow…” Renjun digested the new confirmed information. Walls have ears, especially in the entertainment industry, no one is safe, Renjun pledged to plug every ears to protect Jeno. Also, it’s not really a shock to him, but he had to be. Besides, he had more shocking pairings discovered in the past like the directors of the two big companies are dating secretly (resulting how the groups under these companies never had an overlapping schedule to avoid competing with each other on music shows). “I had no idea”, he added.

“Yeah, we’re meeting tomorrow at our place around afternoon ‘til the night.” Donghyuck said with a grin on his face that immediately died down. Renjun just nodded his head in faux interest. “I know you didn’t ask. It was supposed to be a flex, but I was late at realizing that you and Jeno are _almost_ living with each other already, which kinda makes me the pathetic one here”, he huffed and Renjun snickered.

Renjun stood up to get another bottle of wine. He was on his tracks to the kitchen. Then he stopped.

“Wait. You said ‘our place’, right?”

“Yes. Jaemin and I live together.” Donghyuck with his eyes on the low-volumed movie on the TV, semi-shouted from where he sat, not realizing that Renjun was just a few steps away from him. Renjun narrowed his eyes. It has been 5 years since the duo debuted and by simple math, Renjun was sure that they can afford separate places by now. 

Donghyuck looked behind to see Renjun’s face calculating. “I know what you are thinking. The company suggested it. You should’ve seen our faces when they said it.” He rolled his eyes remembering the day they told them that two grown-ass men, that are not boyfriends, would still be living together.

“Imagine living with Hyuck. A living nightmare. Ugh.” Jaemin made puking noises as he came out from the balcony where he and Jeno were grilling. His hands were occupied with grilled meat, onion, and corn as he ventured his way to the dining table.

“Imagine living with a person who doesn’t know how to do laundry. Ugh.” It was Donghyuck’s turn to make puking noises and he’s also on the verge of standing up and tackling Jaemin.

“With full offense, you still smell like dirty laundry.” Jaemin darted back, still on his way to the table.

Donghyuck stood up, arms crossing over his chest. ”To be honest, your cooking sucks.” He spitted, making emphasis on the word ‘suck’. And that’s when Jaemin sharply turned to Donghyuck with a fully offended expression.

As expected from them, their insults continued for minutes. Renjun had to slip to the balcony and close the sliding door behind. He was greeted by his boyfriend’s sight- an angel wrapped around by a loose gray jacket and sweatpants and a nose scrunched up because of the smoke from the grill.

“Dissing battle… again?” Jeno said as he used the tongs in his hands to point at the two children still bickering inside. Renjun just laughed, finding his spot nuzzling next to Jeno. “Woah, baby, I smell like literal smoke.” Renjun didn’t care, inching closer to his boyfriend.

“I’ll take a shower real quick.” Jeno shouted from the bedroom. He peeked through the gap of the door, “Stop fighting, Na and Lee. Renjun might join you any second now. He’s really competitive, I tell you.”

“Geez, okay Dad. Also, can you please stop worrying about Renjun 24/7. Me and Jaemin are here in case of a burglar.” Donghyuck shouted back, his eyes still fixed on his phone. 

“I’m more worried about you two than Renjun. He’s strong despite the noodle arms.” Renjun stood up, closed the door of their bedroom.

Now, there were just three of them in the living room. Jaemin was busy picking a movie to watch before the clock strikes 12, Renjun was setting the speakers up, and Donghyuck was still typing on his phone. He put his phone on the coffee table and grabbed his glass of wine. “Jaem, Mark said he’ll go at around 2 and leave at 6.”

Jaemin dug through his pants for his phone. “Okay, I’ll text Yoona.” Renjun unconsciously tilted his head with his eyebrows inquiring. “Yoona Lee, the actress.”, he detailed out but Renjun still nodded his head unknowingly. “My girlfriend.”, Jaemin answered Renjun’s unsaid question while still typing through his phone.

Renjun just let out a small ‘Oh’ because _that_ was news to him. Despite the heteronormativity in Jeamin’s relationship, this was more shocking to Renjun than Donghyuck’s dating confession (because he had known it for months now). Renjun had never heard rumors about Jaemin, besides from senior idols and actresses and actors eyeing him for years now, Jaemin had never reciprocated any of that. 

Jaemin might’ve noticed the curiosity in Renjun. He then had started giving out small details. “We've been dating for 2 years already. The classic childhood friends to lovers plot where we lost touch as we grew up and fell in love when we met again.” 

Like what Renjun had said earlier, “I had no idea.”

Jaemin stopped texting and started scrolling through the netflix homepage again. “I guess no one did. We barely go outside to meet, it’s always at her or my- technically, Hyuck and I’s place. Also, we never really had photographs back then because both of our families we’re not that well-off to afford a camera nor go to the studio when we were young. So no one really had points to connect between me and Yoona.”

Renjun just nodded indicating that he understands it and how the media and rumors work.

“I also had no idea,” Donghyuck said in-between his sips. “If I didn’t go back earlier from practice, I wouldn’t have found them cuddling in the living room. I even went back outside just to check if I went into the right place. Who would’ve thought I would be the first person to find out about them?”

“Second to find out.” Jeno corrected. Jeno was fresh from the shower and changed into a semi-formal attire, a navy blue long-sleeved shirt with the first two buttons undone paired with black slacks. “I’m the first one to find out. They were hanging-out even when we were trainees and Yoona was just a rookie actress.”

“Yoona? You’re on the first name basis now.” Donghyuck scoffed. “That explains why Jaemin had been going back late at night with tteokbokki and you would always say that you went out with him. Even if I knew that you were just holed up in your room the whole night. Honestly, I thought you guys were dating.”

“Imagine dating a het.”, Jeno said, unconsciously adapting Renjun’s tone, and he just had to laugh. 

That’s when Renjun had successfully set the speakers up and stood up. “I’ll be taking a shower now and change too.”

After Renjun’s quick shower, it was exactly 10 minutes before 12. He rummaged through his closet for his navy blue turtleneck to pair up with Jeno. He was now combing his hair over his vanity desk when his phone rang, a familiar number popping up. 

_Fuck_ , he said under his breath. 666, truly the Devil’s number. He gripped his phone tightly, feeling like brick in his hands. He slowly locked the door. _Breathe out._ He answered.

No greetings exchanged. Just the usual authority and threat on the other line. _**”If you thought you could escape from me by not answering, you’re very much wrong about that.”**_

Renjun was still silent, every beat of his heart felt like a countdown. And he knew that once the last beat is done, that’s the only time he can feel peace. It’s true, what the other line said, there’s no escape.

 _ **“New Year’s tomorrow, Injun. It won’t reschedule just for you. Just spill it already.”**_ Impatience was evident on the other line. Renjun suddenly was hyperaware, the snickers from the other side of the door felt closer, and even Donghyuck’s subtle foot tapping felt inches near. Renjun closed his eyes shut tight, _tighter._

“You know, Jun--”

 _ **“Don’t give me anything about rookie idols, Injun.”**_ Renjun got sick from how endearing the other line sounded when they called him his nickname. Renjun wanted to throw up. _**”So you don’t talk anymore, huh?”**_ , the other line sounded challenged and surely, they didn’t want to lose and they know they won’t.

A few more beats, a few more silent seconds.

 _ **”You know that this might be against my morals to out people or something,”**_ Renjun wanted to scoff when he had heard morals from their mouths, how ironic. _**”But I guess if I don’t have any other choice then…”**_

Renjun’s anticipation had never spiked up like this before, it felt like he’s at the highest point of a rollercoaster, then it suddenly stopped. _**“You’ll be seeing your face on the news tomorrow.”**_ , he need not to see the face of the person on the other line to see the smug and threat wrapped around their words.

“We made a deal.” Renjun tried to sound strong, but his knees were weak that he had to hold to his vanity cabinet for support. 

_**”And you’re not fulfilling the other end of the bargain, Injun.”**_ they calmly said, as if everything was a well-thought off plan right from the start. Renjun knew that the deal was to make him feel safe and relaxed just to be stabbed in the back, just to be wrapped around their fingers. But Renjun needed that, that sense of security, for _them_.

Renjun closed his eyes, focusing more to hear the voice of his beloved from the other side of the wall. It was not hard finding Jeno’s voice, it always found its way to Renjun. Always. 

He opened his eyes again, only to see his reflection from his vanity mirror, his mirror full of moomin stickers, Renjun and Jeno’s polaroids, and Jeno’s signature. Renjun had shed one tear, one warm tear, and the heat spreaded throughout his body and any moment now, he could feel himself combust.

_**”Good bye now then, Injun. Hope yo--”** _

“Wait.” Renjun breathed in as much air as possible, hoping that it would suffocate him at the last minute. It didn’t. “Na and Lee’s apartment, tomorrow”

 _ **”That’s more like it, Injun-ah. That’s why you’re my favorite.”**_ he could feel the smile forming on the other line, Renjun wanted to stab himself with anything sharp nearby. _**”See how far you’ve reached by complying to me.”**_ Also how deep he had dug his own grave.

“Shut up.” Renjun said hastily and they even had the audacity to laugh, knowing the tense atmosphere they are in.

 _ **”Really a feisty one, are you.”**_ They said in between their laughter. _**”Well, what time tomorrow?”**_

Renjun answered. 

That’s when the clock had struck 12. The fireworks went off. Cars honking from the parking lot. People shouting from their homes. And knocks on Renjun’s bedroom.

 _ **”Pleasure to be working with you, Injun.”**_ Renjun ended the call and threw his phone on the bed.

He looked at himself one more time, meeting his own eyes, silent encouragement for himself but guilt was eating him inside, stead-fast and raw.

He opened the door and the heat that had spread through Renjun’s body earlier, felt warmer now that there’s a huge figure hugging him tight, breathing down his neck.

Jeno broke the hug, “Happy New Year, babe.”, he greeted. His crescent eyes twinkling with the promise of the new year, new beginnings. Then he leaned in, meeting his lips with Renjun’s warm ones. 

The noise muted, Renjun could only hear their heartbeats and could only feel Jeno’s lips on his. The guilt that was inside him, grew along with the fondness spreading throughout his entirety. He wrapped his hands around Jeno’s neck, pulled him as close as possible, savoring how sweet and bitter the other’s lips were because of the wine he had. Feeling the sense of security. The love. The warmth. Feeling everything about them and everything about Jeno.

Now. Under Renjun's makeshift mistletoe, Renjun renewed his promise, the promise to keep them safe. To keep Jeno safe.

Renjun pulled away and looked at Jeno who was smiling. He’s always smiling.

“I love you.” Renjun felt how soft the words when it left his tongue, felt how brittle it was, felt the sting into it, and the guilt behind it. But he was dead sure, decided. “I love you, Jeno”, he repeated but this time slower but louder, as if it was a spell that would be broken if enunciated incorrectly.

Jeno’s smile grew impossibly wider and softer. His eyes never left Renjun’s. The hope twinkling in eyes, now replaced by Renjun’s own. “I love you too, Renjun.”

They kissed again. But this time, Renjun tasted how strong his vow was, scorching fire inside his guts. And he knew this burning is what will keep him strong.

The news broke out.

 **Na Jaemin of the famous duo, Na and Lee, was spotted meeting Lee Yoona at his place today for a New Year’s celebration. Reports say that they might’ve been together for years now but there are still no details about the claims. They are childhood friends who separated while growing up and eventually rekindled their lost connection when they were just starting in the showbiz scene.**

Then, there was a scanned photo from a decade old yearbook below the article where Jaemin and Yoona stood side-by-side. It was an almost-faded photograph but their faces were clear; they were smiling brightly, knowing nothing about how the world works, that that moment will be used against them in the future.

Then, there was a beep, a new text from the devil's number. 

_'Told you, we don't out closeted celebrities... yet [attached image]'_

Renjun felt sick, how his years of working for them felt so foreign, that anger was easiliy filling him in when he saw the attached picture. It was a photo of Mark Lee leaning in to kiss Donghyuck, right by where it looks like the door of Donghyuck's (and Jaemin's) apartment. It was such a happy, intimate moment- one that should not be disturbed nor seen by others but here dispatch are, _Renjun are_ , tip-toeing by their backs. 

Another text.

_Or we might...[attached image]_

This time, Renjun wanted to throw up. Being on the other end of the road felt almost unreal to him, that he is now being stalked by dispatch... _by his fucking self_. He almost wanted to laugh ironically if it weren't for Jeno's sun-blinding smile and his adorable crescent eyes in the picture. Him and Jeno, right by his apartment door, hands interlocked, bodies pressed together.

Renjun closed his eyes and gripped his phone tightly around his chest, trying to push the incoming headache and fear down.

He breathed in and out. Now, it's all nothing but guilt, gut-eating guilt

Renjun put his phone down on the coffee table and nervously sipped from his afternoon tea, clenching his cup tightly. The storm has come, it’s time to see the aftermath. 

He's waiting for Jeno to come barging to his home from his schedule. The wait is nerve-wrecking, every second that passed by felt like sand dripping down from an hourglass. His fingernails growing short from biting anxiously. The drip of water from the kitchen faucet echoed within his walls. He’s nervous. He’s guilty. Most importantly, he’s a traitor.

He didn’t hear the opening of the door, but rather he heard the angry steps coming from the hall. Jeno was angry- fuming mad, and at the sight of Renjun, his gaze softened while Renjun definitely stiffened. Jeno rushed to the snuggle-toothed. Renjun put his arms upfront, a reflex defense, but he was just met with a bone-crushing hug and a sagging shoulder. 

_He doesn’t know?_ , Renjun asked himself. 

Jeno snuggled his nose on the crook of Renjun’s neck, sniffing, finding comfort from Renjun’s scent. Breathing in and out.

 _He doesn’t know._ , Renjun answered his own question. 

He held Jeno closer, feeling every curve he had in his arms. “Babe?” Renjun cautiously asked, his head still crooned over Jeno’s shoulder.

Jeno’s grip just got tighter, he shook his head. “Wait”, he said softly against Renjun’s bare neck.

It lasted for a few more minutes. Just them, hugging each other in the middle of the living room. The minutes passing by silently. The guilt eating Renjun surely.

Jeno broke the hug, to keep eye contact with his boyfriend. He then held onto Renjun’s shoulder then caressed it down to his elbows, eyes still not leaving Renjun’s.

Renjun’s first instinct was to apologize but to look for an escape route is so tempting. “I’m sorry.” he blurted out hastily, closing his eyes, hoping that the consequences of his actions will come sooner in a form of a punch or something in line with that. Instead, Jeno cupped his cheeks and gently tilted his head upwards to meet his eyes. His eyes that were never judging, always caring.

“Why are you sorry?” Jeno’s eyebrows formed a worried slope on his face. “It’s not your fault, it’s that _dispatch_ again.” Renjun tensed up hearing the d-word, his knees are so close to giving in. “Those fuckers don’t deserve anything in this world.”, Jeno said with spite and scorn, words coming from his mouth left like knives stabbing Renjun’s whole body.

Renjun responded with silence. The first thought that came to his mind was to come clean but seeing Jeno, his face that used to be just crescent eyes and pleasant smiles was mixed with wrath and anger. Even Renjun was scared for what will happen to dispatch, _what will happen to him._

But Renjun knew Jeno deserved the truth to come from him.

“Jen--”

“If they’ll ever come for us,” Jeno held Renjun’s hands and squeezed it firmly as if he’s holding his whole life in his palms, “I will make sure to protect you.” his eyes locked with Renjun’s, gaze full of conviction.

Guilt was throbbing from within Renjun but the look on Jeno’s face was more than enough to convince him to shut up. He couldn’t take any other look from Jeno and he can’t bear to spare him a glance with that expression on his face. Because it hurts, _it stings_.

At that moment, Renjun realized that Jeno is his everything and if not telling will make him stay, then Jaemin’s downfall, _his sacrifice_ , is worth it.

Maybe the truth will have to wait, maybe it had to be hidden forever. As they said, what you don’t know, won’t hurt you and that’s exactly why Renjun is hurting.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you all enjoyed this late holidays treat i cooked up for like 2 weeks hehehehe ive thought of this plot when i was taking a shower on the 1st of January djsdjd kinda not justified the plot with my writing because I am still learning but i hope you guys liked it!. 
> 
> i'll be very glad to know your thoughts and comment here!
> 
> interact with me here, if you can: [@choibeomgyuhan](https://twitter.com/choibeomgyuhan?s=09)


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